Half term at Eton, end of term at the Grammar schools?

3 June 2007
Sunday

With temperatures hitting 24 and 25 degrees today (that’s about 77 degrees F), it’s beginning to feel a bit like we’ll have some summer soon. But, I digress ... (a first for me, digression in the first paragraph!) ...

Gordon Brown has been invisible recently. Normally you would put that down to his political instincts – he knows to keep his head down when things are getting tough. This time, though, I don’t think it matters, Gordon could be quietly sitting at a table, sipping green tea, somewhere in Western China or he could be sitting at a bar, around midday, sipping a beer at some faceless shopping centre in Germany; whatever he’s doing, wherever he’s been, he’s not responsible and no one is blaming him. He has nothing to do but bask in the political dividend given him by the unbelievable incompetence of the Conservative party.

I admit it. I was fooled by David Cameron’s hair. I thought that he was a breath of fresh air, that after that terrible man, Michael somebody, the previous leader, Cameron was bringing new life and new ideas to the party of Margaret Thatcher.

That hasn’t happened. Instead, the Conservatives have been given a front bench populated by 13 old-Etonians who, if they all hold hands, are, apparently, unable to organise a p**s up in a brewery or have a synapse. Whichever it is, Mr. Brown is looking better and better! A month ago I couldn't have imagined wriiting that!

The biggest muck up was over Grammar Schools – selective secondary state schools that were the path up the social ladder for thousands of lower- and lower-middle class youth ever since they were set up. Apparently the old-Etonians decided that the huge increase in the popularity of fee schools in the UK was not the result of parents deciding they wanted their offspring to experience Hogwarts. It was because Grammar schools had been de-emphasised and their replacements, the infamous ‘comps’ (the comprehensives), had singularly failed to deliver education or opportunity. So, the old-Etonians must have been feeling pretty good; the social divide was increasing with the demise of the Grammar Schools. The good old days were coming back. Most of the front row was made up of the ‘right’ type again. No pushy types like Margaret Thatcher now, the Conservatives were back on the right path.

So, about two weeks ago the Conservatives decided to pre-empt the Labour position on selective education, no more Grammar schools. The great middle class of Britian, that group of poor, tax-paying goops that keep things afloat, was betrayed, the party they thought was in their corner had moved over to the left, right into the lap of Labour.


So, now Labour has moved to the right, taking territory that used to belong to the Conservatives. And what’s left for Maggie’s boys? Not much it seems. What can they do? Jump over the centre that Blair and Co have taken and occupy some of Labour’s weakened left? Realistically, there’s absolutely nothing they can do right now, they’re flummoxed. The only chance they’ve got is to kick up sand into Labour’s eyes and hope they implode.

So Gordon’s instincts this time are absolutely right. Let Cameron and Co dig their own hole. The only downside to all of this is that Cameron is so bad that he may have to resign as Leader of the Conservatives and, if he does, there’s a remote chance that the Tories might find someone half-way competent. If that does happen, Gordon may be in trouble.

The best thing Gordon can do right now is find somewhere to stay put. Perhaps he could do it on some warm, palm encrusted island, far from Britain, where he can relax, his hammock slung well below the parapet, unnoticed and unremarked. I suggest Crete. Wait! I think the Camerons are on holiday there as well. Perhaps their children could play together?